Waldorf in the Home

There are many things you can do as parents to provide a naturally enriched environment for your young child. Neuropsychologist Jane Healy states, "The brain tends to seek out what it needs at each stage of development. Why not trust the child's brain to seek out the stimulation it needs from a naturally enriched environment?" (Your Child's Growing Mind. A Practical Guide to Brain Development and Learning from Birth to Adolescence). Here are some simple ways to do this:

What was it that day, twenty years ago, when my young son came running into the house, eyes widened, breathless, and full of both wonder and trepidation? What had he seen? He tried to describe it - a shadow, but not really a shadow. It moved quickly, and then it was gone. It had looked at him!

To the young child, everything has "being-ness" - and nowhere more than in the world of nature. It is a world that can at once delight, awe and even frighten. And children cannot get enough of it! A favorite story is one I heard from a friend in Denmark who described a toddler who spent half an hour exploring a knothole in a tree. His finger went in; it came back out. It went in again; came back out again.

[This articles was written by Rahima Baldwin Dancy and covers a Waldorf understanding of child development from birth through three years. It originally appeared in Mothering, Spring 1987; it has been updated as needed for this posting.]

The imitative nature of the baby and young child is so obvious and so all-pervasive that we tend to be blind to it, unaware of its implications for parenting. Your child learns everything through imitation-walking, talking, toilet training, tying shoes, endless tasks. Imitation also manifests in expressions and gestures, as when we see and hear ourselves in our children's play.

Rudolf Steiner, who founded Waldorf education, left a rich legacy for understanding the nature and development of the young child that can help parents nourish their whole child-body, mind, emotions, and spirit. It was through Steiner that I first became aware of learning through example and imitation, principles that I had observed in my own children without bringing them to consciousness.

[This article was written by Rahima Baldwin Dancy and covers Waldorf indications for early childhood development, the stages of creative play, and how they contribute to learning. It first appeared in Mothering, Winter, 1988 and has been updated for this posting. It builds on her article Learning Through Imitation.]

A baby happily throws all of her toys out of her crib. A toddler hides behind a napkin and plays peekaboo with his sister. A three year old finds an old hat in the costume basket and becomes a train engineer by turning over every chair in the house. A five year old tells her friends, "You be the sister and I'll be the mother and Heather can be the dog." All of these children are learning about the world through play, which has been called "the work of childhood." By understanding the stages of play and its importance for young children, you will be able to enhance your child's imagination and experience of the world through creative free play.

[This article on "The Magical Years" by Rahima Baldwin Dancy discusses Waldorf indications for the child's developing consciousness in early childhood, including artistic and cognitive development and a discussion of the use of fairy tales. Imitation and imaginative play are also touched on and are further developed in her articles Learning Through Imitation and Learning Through Play. This article originally appeared in Mothering, Summer 1984; it has been updated as needed for this posting.]

This article by Rahima Baldwin Dancy on "Parenting the Nine Year Old" describes the developmental changes of the nine-year-old child and how parents and Waldorf education meet this psychological stage. It first appeared in Mothering, Summer, 1989.]

Parents of nine year olds often wonder, "What is happening to my child?" Children at this age can become very critical and argumentative, or very moody and withdrawn. Nightmares, irrational fears, headaches and stomachaches often arise. Some children feel as if no one at school likes them, or others become suddenly self-conscious about being rich, poor, or otherwise "different." Parents may be accused of being unfair or of not understanding, as the child rushes off and slams his or her door.

Searching for an explanation for the changes in behavior, parents sometimes blame a new teacher, a recent move, changes in the family such as separation or the birth of a sibling, or simply "growing pains". An understanding of what is actually taking place can help us avoid needless worry and provide the support and guidance that children need during this time.

"Childhood Fevers" by Rahima Baldwin Dancy deals with how fevers can strengthen the immune system and how childhood illnesses can help a child's development; febrile seizures and home care are also covered. The article first appeared in Mothering, Spring 1989.

Most childhood illnesses are characterized by fever. It is widely known that fever activates the immune system in a natural way. It is less widely known that fever can strengthen the immune system, help prevent susceptibility to other illnesses in later life, and confer developmental benefits as well.1 Pediatrician Uwe Stave reports: "Fever attacks can affect children in quite a positive way. Even though his physical strength is reduced, the child may disclose a wealth of new interests and skills. He may find new and advanced ways to communicate, think, and handle situations, or display a refinement of his motor skills. In short, after a fever, the child reveals a spurt of development and maturation."2

Many parents don't even realize that imaginative free play has been squeezed out of our children's lives, and what a tremendous loss this is. The majority of preschool programs today emphasize early learning, computer literacy, or using the materials in just one way rather than being play-centered. Some public elementary schools provide no recess or physical education time at all. The highly structured time a child spends in preschool/daycare or school/
aftercare, is usually supplemented by a daily dose of enrichment classes and adult-led sports, which are sandwiched in between the three to four hours a day the average child spends watching television, movies or playing with video games. The old refrain from my childhood, "What'll I do?" is rarely heard today as children have almost no time in which they are not being instructed or entertained.

We are all familiar with the old expression, "Children are like sponges." Never is this more true than in early childhood. They literally drink in their surroundings, and the major influence is the adults that inhabit those surroundings.

The mother of my two youngest godchildren told me a wonderful story about taking her daughters to a fish hatchery that they regularly visit to purchase fish. On this particular day, as Aurora (4 years old at the time) was feeding the fish in one of the hatchery ponds, one of the "fishermen" was busy cleaning the pond. Dressed in his waders, he meticulously cleaned the algae with focused attention.

As soon as they returned home, Aurora dug out a pair of her old snow pants (this was in early August!) and put them on to serve as her waders. Then she went outside and created her own hatchery environment. Their mesh hammock became a pond which she brushed and brushed - "Momma, I have a lot of algae to clean today." Another area in their garden served as the smoke house where she pretended to smoke several different kinds of fish, as well as chicken and beef! My friend said that this went on for days and days. Aurora even wanted to sleep in her "waders"!

How long had they observed the fisherman? Only about 15 minutes! We, the adults in the child's environment, are their textbooks. When they can see us fully engaged in what we are doing, and even better, doing it with interest and delight, the more they will be eager to take up the tasks of life as well.

By Cynthia Aldinger from the book This Is The Way We Wash-A-Day by Mary Thienes-Schunemann

[This article by Cynthia Aldinger on our invisible helpers with housework and gardening, the elemental beings, was first printed in This is the Way We Wash-A-Day of the Children's Songbook series, published by Naturally You Can Sing Productions.]

Have you ever noticed the uplifting feeling that comes after you have prepared a meal from scratch, even though you felt you did not have the time to do it? Or that good feeling that comes after a room or porch has been swept, mopped or vacuumed, after a place has been dusted, after the bed has been made or a room tidied? What is that feeling? One could say it is a sense of satisfaction for a job well done. However, one can feel it even when someone else has done the work. That sense of fresh orderliness is like a breath of fresh air for whoever enters the space.

Likely, there are multiple reasons for such feelings. Could one of them be that the activity involved in maintaining a physical space brings about a qualitative change in the mood of the space? If so, how?

When we are creating a work space - an office, a classroom, a retail establishment - there are certain tools we need for specific tasks. We wouldn't normally think of using a hammer to screw a socket into the wall or a screwdriver to drive a nail into a cabinet. We try to find the tool that best serves the need for the task at hand. If we consider toys to be tools of early childhood, we need to give some thought to what types of toys best serve the child through the various stages of development.

How can we nurture ourselves while caring for young children? How can we find happiness and satisfaction in a task that often produces no visible results in any given day? How can we find meaning for ourselves as well as being there for our children?
Rahima responds:

A mother in a Waldorf parent-child program submitted a question about agressive behavior from her three-year-old son:
"The struggle we are facing is that our son can be aggressive with the other
kids. Some instances it is a circumstance in which he and another child
both want the same toy and he will try and pull it away- this I can deal
with. Other times it seems as though it is out of nowhere- he will just
push another child or hit them on the top of the head with his hand. The
teahers in our class and the other parents are very supportive to us and
encourage us to let this all play out. My question is "do you have any
suggestions for us to help with this agression?" This situation is not
soley at the mommy and me, it happens with his cousin, who he plays with as
well. What tools can we use to help him control the agression? Any advice is
welcome. Thank you!"

This review of the valuable book The 7 O'Clock Bedtime by Inda Schaenen (Regan Books, 2001) is written by Nancy Foster, a Waldorf early childhood teacher at Acorn Hill Waldorf Kindergarten and Nursery in Silver Spring, Maryland.

"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a child healthy, playful, and wise." Thus reads the cover of The 7 O'Clock Bedtime by Inda Schaenen. As a Waldorf early childhood teacher, I have heard so many parents bemoan the difficulties of getting their children to bed at night, and I have observed so many tired, cranky children who seem obviously sleep-deprived. In this sensible, funny, poignant, and, above all, helpful book, Inda Schaenen goes beyond anecdotal evidence to present studies that document the sleep requirements of infants and children, and also the results of inadequate sleep.

Housework Part I: Confessions of a Waldorf Mom
by Esther Leisher
This collection of ideas about housework and Waldorf parenting got started when Nikki Stephens asked Esther Leisher what she had done about housework when her children were young. It will appear here in several parts. You can get to know Esther better by reading in the category "About the Authors."

We would be delighted if you would add your own ideas, your own experiences in the "Comments" section at the end of each article. You are busy at the most important job in the world--parenting--and have a wealth of wisdom to share.

Housework, Part II: The Kids Get Older
by Esther Leisher

This collection of ideas about housework and Waldorf parenting got started when Nikki Stephens asked Esther Leisher what she had done about housework when her children were young (she has four grown children, two older ones and tw that were much younger; she homeschooled the younger two using Waldorf methods. It will appear here in several parts. You can get to know Esther better by reading in the category "About the Authors."

We would be delighted if you would add your own ideas and experiences in the "Comments" section at the end of each article. You are busy at the most important job in the world--parenting--and have a wealth of wisdom to share.

A mother of a toddler asked Rahima about dolls, gnomes, fairies, and toys for young children:
"I am a little confused about some of the Waldorf toys. I am very interested in Waldorf education and raising my daughter that way. I am reading You are Your Child's First Teacher. I really like the book, but I'm confused about a few things. The author states (for a toddler) that "chartreuse ponies with silver hair" aren't appropriate because they don't represent true nature and beauty. I'm assuming she is talking about "My Little Ponies" or something like that. However, I notice on a lot of different Waldorf doll sites they have mermaids, gnomes, goddesses with pink hair, etc. How are these any different? I'm trying to "skim down" my daughter's toys and keep toys that are Waldorf appropriate, but I'm confused on this issue. She also talks about a "floppy stuffed rabbit" but these don't seem that different to me than the beginner waldorf dolls that don't have much of a shape. I know that tv is a problem, but she also sites Barney. I'm not a fan of tv, but her argument with Barney is also confusing to me. He is an imaginary figure, much like gnomes, woodland fairies, etc. I would appreciate any advice on this issue. I find the author has great insight, and I'm just trying to start thinking in the "Waldorf direction."

A mother with an 18-month-old asks about the need for preschool and about attending Waldorf training programs while her child is young. She asks:
"Is it healthier to homeschool a preschooler, using Waldorf principles, or is
there a greater benefit to being in a Waldorf preschool with other
children? And, if I were to homeschool my daughter during her preschool
years, would it be more beneficial to take a Foundations class or go to a
Lifeways seminar? And, is there a database of Foundation year programs in the
United States that I can search to locate one that fits my needs? Is there
a Foundation program that is taught in seminars (so that it would not be necessary to relocate for one year)?

I want the best for my daughter, and I don't want to leave out anything
crucial in these precious, first years. I have read You Are Your Child's
First Teacher, as well as many of its referenced texts. Thank you Rahima!
Your book has been an indispensable guide.

Living with Two Year Olds by Esther Leisher
Esther Leisher writes: Parenting a two year old can cause you to wonder, "Am I on the right track?" Beckie is at home with her first child, who is now two. Our tiny Waldorf community focuses more on education in general, so when she asked at a workshop what you do with a two year old, I dashed off some ideas to her. It would be great to hear from other people, too-send your comments and suggestions on the form at the end of the article.

A mother writes that her 2.5-year-old son has recently begun insisting that she draw things for him during his paintig or coloring time, becoming frustrated when he cannot draw or paint likeness of various objects to his satisfaction. He is drawing wonderful circles and spirals, and resists her attempts to encourage him to do his own artwork. "Is this normal?" she asks. "How can I encourage him to enjoy doing things himself and not feel like he has to draw or paint 'things'?"

Parenting a Young Child - What My Formal Education Never Taught Me
by Susan R. Johnson MD, FAAP, Raphael House [see "About the Web Authors"].
As a pediatrician with subspecialty training in child behavior and development, I thought I knew everything there was to know about children and being a parent. Then I became a parent, and I humbly realized that I knew very little about either one. So here are some parenting experiences (and babysitting survival tips) that my education never taught me about raising a young child:

A mother asks about helping a child with shyness:
My four year old is very shy, and has always been. She cannot respond at all when meeting new people, and will even make bad faces (rolling her eyes, scrunching up her whole face in what looks like irritation) instead of saying "hello" back, or answering how old she is, etc. And around groups of people, even kids her age, she always stays with me. I feel my baby's discomfort, but I also want her to have good manners. And I want to stop making excuses about her shyness to others because I don't think it's good for her to hear repeatedly. Any head/hands/heart ideas to help us work on this?

A mother describes how she and her husband are juggling jobs and care for their daughter and asks about Waldorf resources for mothers who work outside the home:
"While I consider this the absolute best arrangement that we could provide for my daughter, I am of course torn because I miss the rich time at home with her. I work because we need me to, and for no other reason.

I have been looking for Waldorf-oriented resources for a woman in my position, and am coming up with a complete blank.
When I was at home I found fantastic Waldorf resources for us stay at home mommies--and now that I am out in the work world I need that same sustenance. Do you have any suggestions?
>
As an aside--if no resources are to be found for us Waldorf mommies working out of necessity, I suspect I might have to create something because this is a very challenging existence, just as the transition to motherhood and homemaking was!

[Esther Leisher shares her contemplations on the mood of spring, and some of the ways she has shared this with her grandchildren.]

Here is the verse I was telling you about, the one that I remembered
again when my grandchildren were here.

The Sun gives light to the plants
Because the Sun loves the plants.
So one person gives soul light to others
When she loves them.
Rudolf Steiner

Confronting Our Shadow
by Susan R. Johnson MD, FAAP, Raphael House

Parenting is one of the most awe-inspiring, noble, and challenging professions. Yet, being a parent gets so little support and appreciation from our culture. It was much easier for me to go through medical school, a pediatric residency, a fellowship, and work as a pediatrician, than be a parent. I can't remember ever being so depleted and exhausted as I have been these past 7-1/2 years parenting a child. I think some of the exhaustion comes from the developmental work that I needed to do (and am still doing) on myself, when faced with this bright-eyed, intuitive, energetic, developing boy. Raising a child provided me with the opportunity to re-live my own childhood. I am discovering that all my unresolved feelings and thoughts, that were long ago repressed, now have come bursting forth to the surface.

Readiness for first grade, social dynamics and shyness are all discussed by Cynthia in response to a mother's inquiry about keeping her daughter, who has an August birthday, in a Waldorf kindergarten for another year.
Cynthia writes:

As parents we truly ache for our children when we feel
they are being left out. Young children often do not
have the capacity to be sensitive to the needs of
another child, although there are times when their
compassion can surprise us.

It sounds as though your daughter is a bit invisible
to the others. They are so in the thick of their play
that they do not take note of whether or not she is
joining in. On the other hand, one or another of the
children (a ring leader so to speak) may be guiding
the other children away from her for reasons we might
not ever know.

TELEVISION
by Esther Leisher

In a Waldorf study group someone commented that she grew up without TV
and felt that it is important socially for a child to at least watch TV occasionally.
I think it's a valid statement, depending on the age of the child, though each
person is going to see it differently.

Esther Leisher writes:

"What do you do for yourself? How often I was asked that when I had four
children at home. I was obviously pouring myself into what I considered my
profession (family life), and it must have looked like I was making great
sacrifices. I wasn't. I was pretty much doing what I wanted to do. You are a
creative artist working with the substance of everyday life. You learn to be true
to the heart of the music but play it in your own style.

Waldorf Essentials: If you can't do it all, what things should you try first?
From Esther Leisher

Part I: "Noble Minded, Generous Hearted and Affectionate"

Julie commented recently that Waldorf in the home requires quite a commitment. There is so much you are supposed to do. What are the essentials? I thought then of Quetzal.

Reverence and Rhythm: "Waldorf Essentials, Part II"
By Esther Leisher

The soul of the child is nurtured by receiving care from someone who is noble-minded, generous hearted, and affectionate. The spirit needs that, too, but to find expression, to become fully, truly human, with all the capacities a human can demonstrate, the spirit needs more.

Waldorf Essentials, Part III: Imitation, Imagination and Gratitude
by Esther Leisher

Having achieved (to some extent at least) what I felt were some fundamentals, I turned to other Waldorf goals, goals that I would probably only partially achieve -- Imitation, Imagination, and Gratitude.

Is the World a Good Place?
by Nancy Foster

[The following excerpt is reprinted with permission from Nancy's book In a Nutshell. Dialogues with Parents at Acorn Hill, available from the Waldorf Early Childhood Association of North America, www.waldorfearlychildhood.org.]

QUESTION: How can we understand Rudolf Steiner's statement that young children should experience that the world is good? Even in his day, the world was a troubled place, and it is surely even more dangerous today.

Esther Leisher responds to a mother's questions about television by describing how she created a situation where she and her family didn't turn to television or videos, rather than trying to "get rid of them."

Nancy Foster answers a question about Barbie Dolls in a "Waldorf home." Excerpted from her book In A Nutshell, available from www.waldorfearlychildhood.org. Please share your thoughts and experiences in the "Comments" section!
Question:
My daughter is persistent in asking me to buy her a Barbie doll; some of her friends have them and she sees them sometimes when we are at the store. She says, "Why can't we just buy one?!" I feel she is so young to have a doll like that, and Barbie is not a role model I want for her. I had one when I was eight or ten, but by then I was able to take care of it, dressing it and arranging its hair. When I see little girls carrying a Barbie doll around, it is usually a mess, hair disarranged, no clothes on... I have been telling her she can have one when she is eight, but this does not satisfy her. What else can I say to her?

Barbie Come Home!
By Rahima Baldwin Dancy

Not long ago a mother was lamenting that her young daughter wanted a Barbie doll and was having absolute fits at the toy store. I turned to my adult daughter, who happened also to be present for this conversation and said, "That's funny-you never asked me to buy you a Barbie doll." "Mah-ahm," she replied in two syllables, rolling her eyes. "I wouldn't have been that dumb!" (Parents take note: children choose their battles and know where the loopholes are; even as a young child, she knew a futile case when she saw one and wasn't going to waste her energy). "Besides," she added. I could always play with them at Melanie's. She had ten of them!" Fair enough.

You Are Your Child's First Teacher
by Rahima Baldwin Dancy

384 pages, $16.95

Synopsis by Meryn G. Callander
©1998, see http://thewellspring.com/TWO

The importance of what our children learn in the home and through their relationship with us forms the irreplaceable foundation of all that comes later. Mother, childbirth educator, midwife, and Waldorf educator, Baldwin aims to deepen our understanding of the nature of the young child as a whole being--body, mind, emotions, and spirit--so enabling us to meet their needs for balanced development.

It is Baldwin's sensitive, sincere, and ever-so-natural tending to the soul and spirit, as well as mind and body, of the newborn and young child, that makes this a very special book.

Ennobling, Not Enabling –Bringing Forth the Best in Yourself & Your Children
by Penni Sparks

[This essay on parenting by Penni Sparks is from her monthly newsletter, which you can subscribe to by contacting Tracy@takeheartinc.com. It's a great way to learn where Penni will be speaking and how progress is going on "The Penni Sparks Show," a television pilot that promotes "our kind of insights" on parenting. Go Penni! Penni will be offering two "Preconference Workshops" at the fall conferences: in California, "Surviving and Thriving with your Adolescent and Preteen" for parents with children in grades 5-12; in Colorado, "Growing and Guiding your Young Child." For more information on the conferences and to register for a full afternoon with Penni, click on "Learn More" between the two conference brochures on the right.

Those of you who don't know Penni from our conferences will find that her clarity and humor come across in the four recordings we have of her keynote and workshop sessions: "Parenting and Teaching from the Heart;" "Constructive Parenting: Brick by Brick;" " Honoring the Lost Art of Mothering;" and "Loving Authority: Building Up, Not Tearing Down." --Rahima]

At one of our recent conferences, Tim Burns made the startling analogy that by age five, children watch as much television as it takes to get a four-year college degree. So it's as if we're giving our children a degree in television watching!

Now a study reported in a 2007 issue of Pediatrics found that those children who watched more television when they were 5 and 7 were more likely to show signs of difficulty paying attention at ages 13 and 15. This long-term study followed 1037 children and used assessments from parents, teachers and the youths themselves. It compared reports of attention difficulties in adolescence to the time parents said their children watched TV at ages 5, 7, 9 and 11. In addition, psychologists independently rated each child's attention span and ability to concentrate at ages 3 and 5.

Even after accounting for factors such as gender, cognitive ability, and socioeconomic status, the researchers in New Zealand found that those children who watched more than three hours per day between the ages of 5 and 11 had more symptoms of attention problems as teens than those who watched two hours or less.
--Reported in the Daily Camera, 9/25/07 from an article by Sandra G. Boodman of The Washington Post.

"Parenting with Spirit: A Waldorf Guide for the Three Phases of Childhood"
Book by Cindy Brooks and Joya Birns

Cindy and Joya have written a much-needed book describing the three phases of childhood and ways in which effective parenting skills change in response to children's changing levels of development. The seven-year phases of development are described in the chapter on "Working with Developmental Forces in Parenting," as well as ways to influence children when they are centered in imitation (bith-7), admiration (7-14) and individuation (14-21).

The next chapter, "Discipline Skills for Parent-Child Conflicts," focuses on age-appropriate communication skills and strategies, and ways in which these need to change as your child grows and matures. Working with the spiritual world is also discussed, along with tips for co-parenting and single-parenting. The book ends with extensive appendices on therapeutic stories, suggested reading, and community resources.

The book is short (only 60 pages, spiral bound), but it's unique in presenting these ideas in such a concise, clearly understandable and practical way.

Cindy and Joya offered three workshops on "Parenting with Spirit" at our 2009 conference on "Educating Our Children--Changing the Future" in Fair Oaks. All three are available to purchase in CD format. The first session focuses on "Working with the Spiritual World." The second will help develop "Waldorf-Inspired Communication and Empathy Skills." And the third considers ways of "Working with Negative Behavior in Children." All three expand on the themes developed in the book.

About the authors:
Joya Birns and Cindy Brooks co-lead the monthly support group at the Santa Cruz Waldorf School ("Parent Circle") and various workshops for parents. Joya previously taught early childhood and handwork classes in three Waldorf Schools and has worked with parent groups since 1982. Cindy received her MA in transpersonal psychology from Antioch University--Seattle in 1990. In 1995 she completed a two-year training in sandplay at the Child Therapy Institute of Marin and was licensed as an MFT in California in 1996. In 2003 she graduated from the Bay Area Center for Waldorf Teacher Training and has worked with the Care Group at the Santa Cruz Waldorf School since 2003.

To order the book "Parenting with Spirit," click on the button below. We also sell three CD recordings of workshops by Joya and Cindy on Parenting with Spirit.

Book (60 pages, spiral bound), $15.00
U.S. only. INTERNATIONAL, order here.

Enjoying Your Daughter At Any Age!
by DeAnna L'am

One of my mentors said to me many years ago: "It's great to work on cleaning the barn, but don't forget to RIDE THE PONIES!"

Are you so busy reminding your girl of her homework/ chores/ the need to get-out-of-the-door, that you don't have time to enjoy her anymore??? If you wonder where did all the joy go, now that your girl is approaching puberty, read on...
When I heard myself sounding like an old tape-recorder reminding my daughter Ellah (9) of simple things she needs to do every day, I decided to start taking walks with her.