I recently received the newsletter from the Milwaukee LifeWays Early Childhood Center and was so impressed with the articles written by their caregivers that I asked permission to share them with you. One of the topics we consider in the LifeWays Training is "The Three R's of Early Childhood: Rhythm, Repetition and Reverence. " This article takes up the topic of rhythms and routines. --Cynthia Aldinger
Thoughts on Rhythms and Routines
from Jaimmie Marx
Caregiver at the Milwaukee LifeWays Early Childhood Center
Earlier this month, I had the opportunity to participate in my first parent evening at LifeWays. The evening was a great success and I learned a lot from my research, my peers and the parents in attendance. I spoke about the importance of strong daily rhythms in the life of a young child and would like to share some of these ideas with you.
How do children benefit from rhythms and routines?
One of the tasks of the growing child and one of the functions of parenting is to bring the child into rhythm. Consider the erratic breathing of a newborn baby. It seems as though the life of a new baby is without any rhythm. Feeding and sleeping occur on demand at irregular intervals. This lack of rhythm can be quite exhausting for a new mom or dad, but gradually a rhythm begins to develop and everyone seems happier. As your baby grows, you can help him strengthen his sense of rhythm and reduce the stress in his life (and yours, too!). Your child will be secure and happy because he knows what to expect and what is expected of him.
Discipline issues are greatly reduced when there are strong rhythms. Activities are taken as a matter of fact and become habits. Observe how a child can go into fits when he is occasionally made to clean his room. Or, what becomes of a child who has spent the entire evening shopping, out to dinner and at meetings or social engagements. Often, this child will appear perfectly content through the hubbub, but melts down at the end of it all. Learning that there is a time for all things is a life lesson. Of course, there is a time for play dates and excursions. But, the pace of the modern child's life is often more than he can handle. While adults occasionally feel burnt out, imagine how it must feel to be a burnt out 3-year-old! Rhythm gives children a sense of security and a sense that life has real form. Knowing what's next enables the child to go with the flow with greater ease. While you can tell your child whom you are meeting for dinner and which stores you will be running to, it does not provide the same sense of security as an inner knowledge based on day to day experience. I witness this inner, bodily “knowing” a thousand times a day as kids automatically move from dishwashing to getting on their snow pants for outdoors.
Regularity is the key to establishing good habits. If a child has washed his own dish after eating each day since he could reach the sink, what aggravation we are saving him and his wife or roommates as a man. He shall be liberated from woeful glances at a sink overflowing with rusty dishes. In my own experience, working at LifeWays has improved my own homemaking habits and I am relieved of the stress of a to-do list filled with mundane tasks that would have been a thousand times easier to do in the moment. As your children get older, they will transform the outer structure that you have helped establish into inner self-discipline.
Daily rhythms should be formed around food and sleep. Regular bedtime and meals can reduce tension and confrontations at what can be the most challenging times of the day. These rhythms can be held by ritual, such as a blessing before meals, or a lullaby at bedtime.
Young children need at least 10 hours of sleep at night. And, pediatricians recommend a total of 12-15 hours of sleep each day. So, if your child is having a hard time waking in the morning, consider the amount of sleep he is getting. Bedtime routines can revolve around hygiene and bonding. The more repetitive these tasks, the better. Their bodies will know to brush teeth after putting on PJ's if that is how it is done every night. You can help your child relax at bedtime by doing the same preparations in the same way at the same time every night. One simple story shared from a book, or better yet, an oral tale, can be told again and again for weeks. This allows the child's mind to calm and relax into sleep. When we read 36 books before bed, it is no wonder that he lies there with his mind filled with images, unable to relax in much the same way as adults lay in bed contemplating their to do list or the plans for the next day.
Regular mealtimes, naps and bedtimes help to introduce the child to the concept of the passing of time. If children have regular external rhythms, internal rhythms will develop. When dinnertime and bedtime are consistent, your child becomes hungry at dinnertime and sleepy at bedtime. Rhythm is a blessing for both the parent and the child. It requires much less energy, prevents struggle and supports the activities of the family. It requires inner discipline, and yes, even sacrifice, for we adults are easily bored with the normalcy of life. --Jaimmie Marx
Thank you so much for the wonderful piece about rhythms and routines. I just wanted to write to see if you might have more specific advice. My older son is 4. He is a very dreamy child, yet is also very strong and has an independent spirit. Thus, many everyday tasks are quite challenging. Right now I am struggling with: getting dressed in the morning and getting into pajamas at night. We have regular mealtimes, regular bedtimes, and a simple bedtime routine. Do you have advice for how I might be able to encourage him to take responsibility for dressing? Thank you!