Waldorf in the Home

Far away but not so long ago, for four months Paul and I lived with Craig on the shore of Lake Atitlan in Guatemala. (I was sort of home schooling Paul--then 15--giving him an international experience.) During that time we lived in a compound of seven houses filled with various nationalities. Quetzal, a young French Canadian, often went by our house, carrying her baby and singing. Sometimes she stopped by our little 2-room house for a chat. She asked me once what the essentials are for motherhood.

At the time I said that the person who takes care of a baby or small child should be noble minded, generous hearted and affectionate. Quetzal and I considered that for a bit and before she left, she said the words over to memorize them. I suggested key words, head (noble minded), heart (generous hearted), and hand (affectionate). You might have heard those three somewhere before!

Quetzal already did those things, but she seemed comforted to be assured that she was doing what mothers are supposed to do. I felt the same at her age, finding a certain peace comes from such simple words. They were a way of reminding myself, especially at times of confusion about parenting, that I did know what was essential.

At that time, Waldorf seemed very complicated to me. So I decided to reduce my goals to a few things that I knew I could do and a few things that I would at least like to try to do.

My heart spoke and I settled on noble minded, generous hearted and affectionate (words from Steiner). Those I could do, and the soul quality of our home could be based on that. Since the child's spirit (different from soul) also needs to fully unfold its powers, I decided to also try to remember the importance of Imitation, Imagination and Gratitude. (Reverence and rhythm never crossed my mind at that time. They were just something that everyone did.)

Instead of feeling burdened by "should's," I wanted to function out of love for certain qualities. Admiring a particular activity or quality, loving it, gets you half way there. I felt it was best to start with fundamentals, and bring my heart fully into those, instead of continually feeling frazzled because I couldn't do everything.

Oddly enough, I found that other worthy goals happened then without any particular effort. Without fully realizing it, I stopped asking my toddler questions (something I had been unsuccessfully trying to do). I also began to notice other beneficial changes.

Years after those months in Guatemala and the chats with Quetzal, I realized in a discussion with mothers of young children that everyone interprets those qualities differently. I asked then and am asking you now: What would you do, what actions would you take, how would you treat your child if you were trying to be noble minded, generous hearted and affectionate? How do you know you are doing it?

What do you think? I'd like to hear comments from people--about any or all of those qualities. You may find that pictures immediately come to mind. Jot them down and send them. We're just women talking over the back fence, nothing needs to be perfectly expressed.

Click on "Comments" at the bottom of this article and add what comes to mind. Leave your e-mail address there, too, if you want to hear from other people. Here are some of the things that came out of a discussion our group had.

What are noble thoughts? Taking a larger view, never stooping to pettiness. Nonjudgement of others, never saying critical things, ever, about anyone. Selflessness, genuine respect for other people's wishes and points of view. Striving to do the good, to right the wrong, to protect the weak. Noticing any tendency in yourself toward materialism. Focusing on ideals, letting go of cynicism.

Generous hearted? One friend said, "Willingness to give things away." How would that apply to young children? Would you just demonstrate it in your life? Maybe you would also not be overly protective of things. Would they be allowed to play with your gardening gloves or something else that wouldn't hurt them but is your property? That is a kind of giving. When you are generous hearted with a small child, do you also give time to things that matter to them?

What about just willingness to help other people? Isn't that generous hearted? Think of people who are not generous hearted, how they hold things to themselves and don't want to be neighborly.

Then there is a kind of deeply-felt forgiveness of everything and every person, believing that whatever they do, they have a reason. That seems generous hearted to me.

Maybe with children that means that you accept their incapacities. They spill things, break things and make messes. They want to put honey on their oatmeal. The honey will also get on the table, and almost always it somehow gets on the floor and you step in it. Being generous hearted could mean allowing them to do things, as inconvenient as that is. Maybe not being irritable would count. Maybe it could include patience, saying "Yes, of course I will read to you while I nurse the baby."

Affectionate seems easier, but there are some people who care for young children who are not affectionate. A friend mentioned that she did not realize that she could hold her baby and kiss it until she moved away from her reserved mother. In the other direction I have seen a sloppy, syrupy sentimentality called affection. Somehow I prefer the word tenderness.

What do these words/thoughts/ideals suggest to you?