TELEVISION
by Esther Leisher
In a Waldorf study group someone commented that she grew up without TV
and felt that it is important socially for a child to at least watch TV occasionally.
I think it's a valid statement, depending on the age of the child, though each
person is going to see it differently.
We didn't have a TV set in our house until the kids were teenagers. I see now
that we could have had a TV set if we had kept it put away. If it lived in a
closet to be brought out on Sunday nights for a nature program, it could have
become a part of the rhythm of the week. The children would have felt more
culturally included because even if we didn't watch much TV, we at least
owned one.
Of course you have to evaluate each situation. I reconsidered television when
Paul, the youngest, turned 12 and received enough money to buy a used TV.
He asked if he could get one, and I agreed to that. It seemed the right thing to
do in his social situation, and Laurel, 2-1/2 years older, commented that there
were two programs everyone talked about and to feel a part of a group they
needed to watch those two programs. That sounded sensible to me.
Fortunately Paul was old enough to realize almost immediately (after lots of
indiscriminate TV watching) that most of the stuff on TV was trash. And even
if he had not noticed, he did have a childhood that nurtured sensitivity to beauty
and meaning. The subtler, higher senses had already had a chance to
develop, senses that might be damaged by media. At his age, with his
personality, I did not feel that TV was going to hurt him.
Media in all its forms--TV, tapes, computers--is a big question, especially in
early childhood. Probably the less the better because the more subtle human
senses can be blunted: the sense for meaningful language; the sense of the
presence of another human being; etc. But that is something you would have
to know intuitively. What is right for your own children, for your particular
family?
Leontyne Price became one of the greatest modern opera singers partly
because her mother constantly played records of operas. From earliest
childhood Leontyne was listening and singing along. It did not damage her
musical ear, and there would have been nowhere else in her life where she
would have encountered that kind of singing. The phonograph records, it
seems to me, were a necessary part of her destiny. Generalized rules
have to be adapted to actual lives.
When my children were younger, our house was very quiet except for our own
activities. No TV, no radio, no computer. However, I did not reject every
mechanically reproduced form of communication. They heard recorded music
at times and listened to some stories on tape. The compensation was that we
had live music in our house, and I read to them often and for long periods.
The two younger ones also heard first-hand stories and, for me, telling or
making up those stories was so much fun that, at 64,
I am still making up magical stories just for myself.
Of course we sang, too and not just children's songs. You can make up a song
for anything. "Has anyone seen my jacket?'' "I think you left it in the car."
-- all sung in an operatic voice or like a Gregorian chant. I did not feel that, in
the scale of things, small amounts of canned music and recorded stories were
wrong for us.
I would like to hear other people's thoughts about this. How have you decided
to approach this with your own family? --Esther Leisher
Comments (7)
Esther, our family is just begun, and over-exposure to TV is something I am deeply concerned about for my infant daughter. Our first step is to turn off the satellite TV feed (or cable). We will replace it with an antenna so that we can still view the excellent programs on our local public television station on occasion.
I got a big smile, reading about how your family sings just about anything. We do that here in our house as well, and it's a tradition of sorts, passed down through several generations of my family. Thank you for reminding me of how special these seemingly silly things can be.
Posted by Linnea | May 18, 2005 1:18 AM
Thank you for commenting, Linnea.
I wonder what other families have decided about TV. What do they do if the father of the family feels that he really needs to watch TV when he gets home too tired to do anything else?
Also, some fathers feel that watching TV together is a time of sharing. Are the mothers fretting and not saying anything (I know some of them are) or have they found some compromise?
If anyone has stories from other families we would all like to hear them.
Esther
Posted by Esther | May 28, 2005 1:02 PM
Before our first child was born four years ago, my husband and I were avid TV watchers. We both grew up with TV as a major part of our activities.
As I started to learn more about parenting, I started to tell my husband that I did not want a TV in our house. He really resisted, said he had to at least be able to watch the news. For about the first 9 months, our TV was in an upstairs bedroom and I found that I couldn't sit still for a full hour to watch a program and that watching my daughter was much more fulfilling. So, our TV watching became more and more occasional.
As our daughter grew, we would put in a video program from time to time. I babysat for a kindergartener who had a few favorite shows, but for the most part loved fantasy play, so we did not fall into the trap of having the TV on all day. Somehow, I, as a person who had formerly watched 6-10 hours of TV per day, became a person who couldn't stand to watch it much at all. And with our responsibilties as parents, we found that we had very little time left over to watch.
Our TV is in our basement, and about once a week, our daughter will ask to watch a movie. We have a very limited collection of Barney videos and just two movies. She is content to watch these when allowed.
I must admit, much of the time we used to spend watching TV is now spent in front of the computer. However, even though this is "screen time," I feel it is a much more active endeavor because I am constantly researching ideas and information to enrich our lives as well as communicating with others. I feel that this is a much more active and enriching activity than just lying in front of a TV program would be.
I don't feel I will let my children spend any significant time with the computer until they are much older.
Thank you for your interesting comments. It reminds me that we don't get our instruments out and play for the joy of it nearly enough.
-Carla
Posted by Carla | May 30, 2005 10:48 PM
Hi, This is a very big issue for me...as I of course read Jane Healy's book decribing the effects of overexposure to tv...at a young age...to the growing brain. With my son I did not know any better ( he watched way tooooo much Blues Clues), until I found Waldorf Education..he was about 2 1/2....maybe 3...??? Since then of course I have tried to limit it, but I DO have some challenges. He was already very "into" it and would ask for it all the time. I found myself like most parents..popping in a video, whenever I REALLY needed some time. I justified my desicion by thinking "Oh well. At least he doesn't see all those commercials, and he's watching quality preschool educational programs". My husband even built me a cabinet for the tv. I have to admit..I'm still the tv police...I let Ethan watch some Disney movies very occasionally...scholastic (book) videos, and his favortie show "Buzz Lightyear" (probably 2-4 hours per week???). It really makes him happy and gives him down time when he is tired and wants to rest...My husband ALWAYS forgets how I monitor the tv and I guess he thinks that I'm not doing it anymore?????who knows...husbands can be that way...tune you out sometimes... Well, it's comforting to hear that other moms are having similar issues.
My question is .....is this media policy absolute??? I know when Ethan attended the Waldorf School in Garden City they were very strict on their policy. ( and I complied). Please advise....
Thank you...sorry so long....
Mary Marks in Long Beach
PS...Now that I am considering homeschooling for kindergarten I feel I need to make some changes...I'm also going to the Boulder conference and attending the media lecture...hopefully this will shed some light on this issue for me.
thanks again!!
Posted by Mary Marks | July 18, 2005 8:56 PM
Dear Mary,
Thank you for your comments and questions on the article about TV. Waldorf schools all differ; some feel particularly strongly about no TV. But no matter what school your child attends, you still have to think it through yourself. Getting information really helps with that process.
Susan Johnson, who is a pediatrician, recently told a group I was in how the jerky images (we don't see the jerkiness, but it is there) of TV ultimately
encourages the dominance of the parts of the brain that deal with flight or fight instead of nurturing the calmness and creative thinking we want for our children. The content is very much secondary, not quite beside the point, but not primary.
Still, I see the information about what TV does as only one side of the coin. The other side is that we turn to TV and videos because our culture has not given us the help we need with child raising. Raising young children has got to be the most difficult undertaking that anyone ever attempts. I think that our culture has made it difficult. Nature never intended for us to have to take care of a child at home alone. In all previous cultures mothers had a group of people around to interact with--adults to talk to, communal work to be done, children playing with each other, and an extended family to be part of the child's life.
We no longer have that. And something in us tells us something just doesn't work here. Somehow our children should be happily occupied and we should not always be on duty. The only way to make that happen in our day--it seems--is to have something that keeps them busy, such as TV or videos.
The pattern of our days seems to me to be the issue. If you find a satisfying pattern for family life (which means, usually, having some help) you don't feel inclined to keep them busy with media. Then TV or videos become a choice not a need; then you can think about it, decide what you want.
But how do you get to that point?
I am including the story about what I did that made both the children and me feel that we did not need TV. When asked why we did not have a TV, I simply said that we just did not feel a need for it.
But each family has to find what is best for them. And the answers are not necessarily simple. You may find that some combination of things works best for you. Set out to find some daily pattern that works for you. And fill in if need be with whatever you feel right about. A video once a week is not going to cause untold damage. A nature program on TV would be fine. Children needn't be cut off entirely from the culture they live in.
But those suggestions won't work unless you have a definite time for them. The children will whine and complain and badger you about it if there is not a set time when you watch those programs. Put the TV away where it can't be seen. (That also tells your husband that you are up to something!) And if the children are used to sitting in front of the TV for a quiet time, get a stool and sit in front of them where the TV usually sits and hold up a picture book and talk about it. That works with the rhythm of activity and inactivity they are used to. They have been used to playing for a while and then sitting for a while. Use the habit to interest them in books.
Begin with whatever books will hold their attention, no matter the quality; you can work toward the better books as you go along. Add a little action and sound effects if need be. Gradually you will create a new habit. (You know you will have time off later in the day.) Soon you will be able to be the TV substitute no matter where you sit or what you read. Quiet time for them means focusing on you. (Have a magical story tape, e.g. "The Wind Boy" for days when you just can't do it.) At some point you will find that you have created quiet times that can be used in various ways and do not necessarily depend on you.
Here is one of the things I did so that we did not feel the need for TV. It is a story from my own life, not directly related to getting away from TV or videos, but illustrating the other side of the coin: creating a situation that makes television and videos unnecessary.
Craig broke his leg when he was 1-1/2. I was desperate. With a cast on he couldn't walk, couldn't play as he used to. And I also had 3-year-old Mark to take care of. By afternoon I was overwhelmed. In that dire a situation I had to
do something. Under normal circumstances our culture would expect me to be
the perfect mother without a moment of help from other people. Now I was free to say, "I need time off".
I got a 10-year-old girl to come after school to take Craig out in the wagon. Mark went along and talked her ear off. The kids loved it, looked forward to it. And I learned that I couldn't be the mother I want to be unless I have some off-duty time.
Thus when the younger two children came along and I had four, I knew what I needed. No one had to break a leg for me to figure it out. In our neighborhood I found a responsible 12-year-old, Jamie, to come after school several afternoons a week to take Laurel and Paul out for a walk, pulling a wagon to put them in on the home-ward way. (You might want to round up several children in the neighborhood and have them come on different days.)
If the weather was bad Jamie played hide and seek inside and made a tent/house, where they could pretend play, helped by her ideas. Sometimes she just got them started and they played while she washed the dishes.
We got to know Jamie first by asking her to baby sit. We found we liked her, and then began including her in our lives, making her part of the family. When she came to take the kids out, she and I would sit and talk a bit. Sometimes that went on a long time because she needed someone besides her mother to talk to, someone who didn't have any should's to trot out. "You should go talk to that teacher." "You shouldn't feel that way." Or whatever came up.
I listened and made small comments. And I paid her even for the time we were talking. I paid her more than anyone else in the neighborhood did
because she was a good babysitter. She hung around, saw how I spoke to the children, and learned through my responses to her ideas about play what it was I wanted for my children. Just being around us in our everyday life "trained" her.
We took her to the zoo with us; we took her when we went out to dinner; she was invited to family birthday parties. Those were the perks of being part of the family. She had a sister whom we often included, and who filled in when Jamie couldn't be there. Their grandmother lived with them, and sometimes Jamie took the kids to play at her house because her grandmother enjoyed seeing them. They did not watch TV there or eat junk food. Jamie knew we didn't do those things.
There were times I felt that I was putting a lot of work into including Jamie in some of our activities, but even that seemed to me an aspect of creating a rich life for the children. They had broadened their sense of community. In Jamie, her sister and her grandmother, they had dear friends in the neighborhood. And I got time off., when I could pull myself together in various ways. I made lists, I read, I planned festivals, I did some art projects, I ran errands. If the children were playing inside on a stormy day I did those things in my room--without coming out for anything.
Since I had a wider community to help me with my young children (Jamie, her sister, her grandmother) and the children had absorbing things to do, we felt no need for TV or videos. Ideally, you don't even think about it. It is a turning toward something (someone coming to take them for a walk) rather than focusing on eliminating something (TV).
Our culture no longer helps us with those things; we have to create them ourselves. Just having the time to think how you could deal with your own
situation may require finding some time to focus on it, by trading off with someone or getting a babysitter. And, even then, what you plan may not work immediately--or may not work at all. But eventually it will work. The inner trust you cultivate, the letting go, not squeezing up, eventually bring answers. Talking with other parents also brings inspirations. Attention to something creates a space for serendipities, synchronicities, moments of insight and unexpected occurrences.
As impossible as it seems to you now, you will find the answers for your family, I'm sure of it. The answers are all around you waiting to speak themselves to you--from articles, from other parents, from your own sense of knowing. Take a deep breath and listen for them.
I would love to hear how it is going as you work your way toward what you want for your family.
--Esther
Posted by Esther | August 9, 2005 9:33 PM
I grew up with hardly no TV at all until I was 9. Now I work as a nanny and spend 10 hours a day with a 2 yr. old and almost 5 yr. old. We have not watched TV more than one time during the year I have been their caregiver. Their mother sometimes lets the older child watch TV (maybe 2-4 h/week), but he doesn't even ask me for it - he knows I would say no. I never find it hard to fill up the time. I can still get cleaning, cooking and laundry done, a lot of times with the kids helping (or trying to help) me. Children who don't watch TV are good at entertaining themselves. A little boredom is just good for them, that way they have to use their imagination and usually come up with wonderfully creative things to do. If I would turn on the TV every time they are bored, they would not develop this creativity. I think pre-school children do best with no TV at all. It might be hard at first, getting used to it, but it is worth the trouble. TV is no good for kids! Good luck with trying to do whats best for your child.
Posted by Kira | May 2, 2006 9:19 AM
Hi Esther! Great article. I noticed a big difference in introducing TV/Electronic things to my kids when they were older. I know some people are completely against TV at all and I actually didn't have one until I was 14 because we could not afford it (at least that's what mom said) but I didn't have too much of a choice. My kids stay with their dad at times and he is really big into electronics. But it is interesting to see how they use these tools now. They are not dependant on them, they treat them like "one of the possibilities of life" and most often they still prefer to read or play act things. My son especially likes to ride bikes and things like that. And here sit all of the electronics that any kid would be enviable to have. And they just sit without me even regulating them--the kids just are not used to them being part of their lives so they don't play/watch them more than 1-2 times a week for a bit.
Interesting how the later you introduce it, this happens. I am the same way. People ask me how I get so much done, and I think part of it is that I am not in the habit of watching or listening to things from a young age. It is just not part of my rhythm. So I spend all my time creating things.
Habits are formed early so it is good to think about what habits you want your kids to have :)
- Kristie
Posted by Kristie Karima Burns, MH, ND | March 3, 2008 9:35 PM